Disclaimer: The writers of Celiac Bites assume no liability for any consequences related to the use of enhanced server interrogation techniques outlined below.
Recently I wrote about Dying, I mean, Dining Out and the challenges of eating in restaurants safely. That got me thinking about the “usual” questions that I ask servers when I recklessly endanger my life eat out at restaurants. Here are a few ideas to get you started:
- Do you have any reason to want to harm me? Did I pick on you or any of your friends when I was in kindergarten or grade school? I did not break your Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Robots game in 2nd grade.
- Does your meat/chicken/fish arrive pre-packaged or is it fresh?
- Did any of your chefs ever study under Dr. Kevorkian?
- Is there ANY type of marinade or seasoning that is added to your meat/chicken/seafood prior to cooking?
- What other items are cooked on the same grill or griddle? (If patty-melts are a house specialty, I would be pretty nervous about ordering a burger.)
- Are ANY seasonings besides 100% pure salt and pepper added during preparation?
- Have you ever worked for Senseo’s Consumer Hotline?
- Does your hamburger meat have any ingredients other than 100% pure meat? (Some have fillers!)
- Have you ever been convicted of manslaughter, second, or even first degree murder? Should you have been at any previous time in your life?
- What garnishes come on the plate?
- Are your salads prepared to order or made at the beginning of each shift? (To be sure croutons are not simply “picked off” a pre-made salad)
- Are we going to spend 10 or 20 minutes planning a perfect gluten free option for me only to have it delivered to the table with some random gluten-infested garnish on top like toastlets, fried onion crisps, or croutons? Because if that’s how you roll, I would like to know now rather than later.
- Are your vegetables cooked in any sort of broth or are there any seasonings other than salt or pepper added?
- Do you use real butter or a butter substitute?
- Do you chefs use spray pan coating on the grill, griddle, or pans? If so, does it contain flour or is it 100% oil based?
- Do you have any anger management issues that I should know about?
I would love to hear what y’all check for when dining out so please let me know!
After an 18 month adventure through the catacombs of the medical system, I was formally diagnosed with Celiac Disease. The bright side of that journey is that I know 3,712 nasty and horrible conditions that I do NOT have. 
I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don’t know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.
Susan
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