My Toaster
I have my own toaster. It’s way better than their toaster.
When my toaster does push ups, the earth moves.
My toaster can kill two stones with one bird.
My toaster can beat up their toaster. With one burner tied behind it’s back.
My toaster makes crumbs that turn into yummy, golden doughnut holes. Maple glazed in fact.
Other than all of that, the best thing about my toaster is that no wheat worshiping, un-celiac, gluten tolerant people can use it. You see, we have two toasters in our kitchen. Mine and theirs. They’re on opposite sides of the kitchen. They never, ever speak to each other. I’m very proud of my toasters’ anti-social tendencies.
These crumbs are gluten free!
One of the first adjustments we made to our kitchen when I was diagnosed with celiac disease was to set up a system of dueling toasters. Looking back, that $20 was a much better investment than the Tie-Dye Snuggie I bought in the same visit to Wal-Mart. I make my own special Udi’s bagels, cheese toast, Glutino English Muffins, and whatever else I feel like baking without worry of cross contamination. The rest of my family continues to insist on poisoning themselves with gluteny stuff that goes in their toaster, but I don’t care. Really, I don’t.
If you’ve been diagnosed with celiac or some other gluten intolerance, do yourself a big favor. Be selfish and get your own toaster!
P.S. Remember to train house guests to use the right toaster!
After an 18 month adventure through the catacombs of the medical system, I was formally diagnosed with Celiac Disease. The bright side of that journey is that I know 3,712 nasty and horrible conditions that I do NOT have. 
I just Stumbled across this blog post and I was wondering why you seem to feel so high and mighty over people that eat wheat. It’s someone’s personal choice. Yeh you can’t eat it and that may or may not suck for you (depending on your viewpoint) but just because you can’t doesn’t mean you should look down your nose at people that do. I don’t know you or anything, but based on this single post you come across as pretty petty and childish.
Sophie, here are some facts for you.
Gluten severely affects many people, especially those who are intolerant to it. It can cause a host of problems like thyroid problems, severe fatigue, osteoporosis, depression, diabetes, gall bladder problems, malnutrition, anemia, infertility, cancer, and a host of autoimmune diseases.
Celiac/gluten intolerance is genetic. Therefore those in this family are very likely to have it and if so are poisoning themselves. According to the University of Maryland Medical Center 1 in 150 people in the U.S. suffer from Celiac disease (although the University of Chicago Celiac Disease Center lists it as 1 in 133 people.) According to the National Digestive Diseases Information Clearinghouse, “Among people who have a first-degree relative—a parent, sibling, or child—diagnosed with celiac disease, as many as 1 in 22 people may have the disease”
Also, if any gluten touches a Celiac’s/Gluten insensitive person’s food, call cross-contamination, it can cause health problems for that person. So, we who have problems with gluten have to protect ourselves.
Oh, and read this article.
http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/2010/09/19/paleo-diet-solution/#more-3109
So, Sophie, please educate yourself about Celiac and gluten sensitivity/intolerance before you make any commentary.
You go Tom! Brag about your toaster! I don’t believe if u are forced to change your diet that there is anything wrong with loving your toaster and sharing that love with the world. You have now convinced me that it is time to take that same step and finally be assured that I will not be poisoned by the rest of the family’s eating habits… As much as I still try to bring them to the light
Toaster lovers unite! Maybe we can band together and get a HUGE quantity discount
The very first thing I did, even before I found GF bread I could actually have (can’t have Udi’s because of the corn), was to buy a toaster.