May 23, 2013

Being Opportunistic – Traveling Gluten Free

Bear Grylls, Man vs. Wild, Opportunistic Guy

Bear Grylls, Opportunistic Guy (img: Discovery Channel)

Although it frequently grosses me out, I like watching Man vs. Wild on the Discovery Channel. It never ceases to amaze me how Bear Grylls is so incredibly resourceful, and more importantly, opportunistic. He’s always taking advantage of something he runs across at the moment, whether he needs it right then or not. Like water in the desert, food from just about anywhere, and shelter even in the most inconvenient of places. Bear is an opportunistic kind of guy.

I’ve learned similar skills, although mine are far less disgusting, about surviving with a strict gluten free diet while traveling. The key to survival is what I refer to as being opportunistic. When you spot food items that are known to be safe, scarf them up. It doesn’t matter if you’re hungry or not. It doesn’t matter whether the food is ‘time appropriate’ or not. If you pass a grocery store that has steamed rice in the deli, and it’s only 7am, grab it! Carpe diem and all that stuff.

Maybe if I share a typical day of being opportunistic from a recent road trip it will help illustrate my point…

  • 6:45am – There’s a soda machine 20 feet down the hall from my hotel room. I know because I’ve heard it making noise all night long. Grab a Mountain Dew for now and a Doctor Pepper for later. Stuff the Doctor in my briefcase.
  • 7:50am – Bananas on sale at the hotel coffee bar. Grab 2. Store in briefcase. They will age and rot in some sort of briefcase induced accelerated time warp. Later today, I will eat at least one of them regardless. Pick up a 4 shot Latte in case I am not able to find food for a week or so. The caffeine will keep me alive in almost any emergency scenario.
  • 7:51am – Pass hotel gift shop and grab a Hershey bar. My briefcase is full of bananas so I have to eat it now. Really, I’m only eating it now because of the banana storage issue. And I need my vitamins.
  • 8:05am – The hotel has a breakfast buffet with an omelet station. Made-to-order omelets are one of the safer gluten free restaurant options. I eat 2 bacon and cheese omelets with 19 slices of bacon. I don’t pig out like this because I like it – it’s just an obligation I have to eat opportunistically where and when I have the chance. It could be hours before I find other safe, gluten free food options, so I am filling up now.
  • 12:15pm – Out to lunch with clients and co-workers. They choose a restaurant I’m not familiar with – Atlanta Bread Company. Apparently this place is in the business of poisoning Celiac’s or something. Being opportunistic, I order a Coke and get 7 refills. Oh, and I hurl insults at the kitchen. I feel much better after that.
  • 1:15pm – Time to retrieve one of the bananas and the Doctor Pepper from my briefcase. The banana is already completely brown. I eat it anyway and am happy about it.
  • 3:45pm – I pass out at the conference table. I have not had bacon in hours. My forehead has a semi-permanent imprint of my laptop keyboard.
  • 5:55pm – Meetings for the day are over. I’m hungry. And anti-social. I stop at a grocery store on the way to the hotel and get food. By this time, it’s been almost 10 hours since I have had bacon. I am weak and barely able to walk. I stock up on medium sharp cheddar cheese, a package of Hormel Pepperoni, and a large bag of Kettle Fully Loaded Baked Potato chips. This is dinner.
  • 10:20pm – I’m hungry. My briefcase still has a banana, but it appears to be growing a new form of penicillin. I pass on that. The hotel gift shop is closed, so no more Hershey bars. I suffer until I pass out from malnutrition.

See? Eating gluten free on the road is all about taking advantage of the opportunities that present themselves. And spare bananas. And bacon.

Go be opportunistic!

Gluten free dining: How to interrogate your server

Disclaimer: The writers of Celiac Bites assume no liability for any consequences related to the use of enhanced server interrogation techniques outlined below.

Recently I wrote about Dying, I mean, Dining Out and the challenges of eating in restaurants safely. That got me thinking about the “usual” questions that I ask servers when I recklessly endanger my life eat out at restaurants. Here are a few ideas to get you started:image

  1. Do you have any reason to want to harm me? Did I pick on you or any of your friends when I was in kindergarten or grade school? I did not break your Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Robots game in 2nd grade.
  2. Does your meat/chicken/fish arrive pre-packaged or is it fresh?
  3. Did any of your chefs ever study under Dr. Kevorkian?
  4. Is there ANY type of marinade or seasoning that is added to your meat/chicken/seafood prior to cooking?
  5. What other items are cooked on the same grill or griddle? (If patty-melts are a house specialty, I would be pretty nervous about ordering a burger.)
  6. Are ANY seasonings besides 100% pure salt and pepper added during preparation?
  7. Have you ever worked for Senseo’s Consumer Hotline?
  8. Does your hamburger meat have any ingredients other than 100% pure meat? (Some have fillers!)
  9. Have you ever been convicted of manslaughter, second, or even first degree murder? Should you have been at any previous time in your life?
  10. What garnishes come on the plate?
  11. Are your salads prepared to order or made at the beginning of each shift? (To be sure croutons are not simply “picked off” a pre-made salad)
  12. Are we going to spend 10 or 20 minutes planning a perfect gluten free option for me only to have it delivered to the table with some random gluten-infested garnish on top like toastlets, fried onion crisps, or croutons? Because if that’s how you roll, I would like to know now rather than later.
  13. Are your vegetables cooked in any sort of broth or are there any seasonings other than salt or pepper added?
  14. Do you use real butter or a butter substitute?
  15. Do you chefs use spray pan coating on the grill, griddle, or pans? If so, does it contain flour or is it 100% oil based?
  16. Do you have any anger management issues that I should know about?

I would love to hear what y’all check for when dining out so please let me know!

Congratulations! You’ve got Celiac! Now what?

I have fallen into the time sucking addiction known as Twitter (find me at twitter.com/celiacbites) and every day I run across someone who has just been diagnosed with Celiac. Most are just as confused and lost as I once was, wondering if they will ever be able to survive without Brown Sugar and Cinnamon Pop-Tarts. Brown Sugar and Cinnamon Pop-Tarts

If you have followed this blog, you may have noticed I have a thing for Brown Sugar and Cinnamon Pop-Tarts. But I’m not bitter about NEVER BEING ABLE TO EAT THEM AGAIN! Sorry for that, I’m OK now. Not bitter, not bitter, not bitter, not bitter.

As I have referenced in earlier posts, learning to eat absolutely gluten free is a long and complex process. It’s not just eliminating bread and flour. Those pesky Viking descendants – the gliadins – have managed to infiltrate just about every food product known to man, including Pop-Tarts. You simply are not going to become an expert at maintaining a gluten free lifestyle for a good six months. Trust me, you will make mistakes and gluten yourself. Plenty of times.

The problem I hope to help you solve with this post is how to manage the gap between your first post-diagnosis hunger pangs and the end of your gluten free kiwi fruitlearning curve, however long that may be. You see, about four hours, maybe six, after your diagnosis, you are going to be HUNGRY.  If you’re like me, you may have been HUNGRY for a long time as a result of celiac induced malnutrition. Learning an effective gluten free diet in a few hours is not a realistic option. And you can’t really go on a water and kiwi diet for the next six months either.

The trap that most newly diagnosed Celiacs fall into is immediately trying to start with an exclusive diet as opposed to an inclusive diet. By exclusive, I mean starting with the universe of available foods and then excluding, or ruling out, things that you can no longer eat. There are two main problems with this approach. First, it’s really depressing for your first thoughts about your new lifestyle to be focused on all the things you can’t eat. Second, you simply are not going to know all the intricacies of which foods and ingredients are in fact gluten free. You will get sick. A lot. And that bites. Trust me, I can feel your pain brother (or sister.)

After trying to start with an exclusive approach to eating, and failing miserably, I had my Duh! moment. happy smiley faceWhy not turn my approach (and frown) upside down and start with a universe of zero “safe” foods and add to the list things that are absolutely gluten free. Over time, as I learned more, I could add to my “safe” list. This approach virtually eliminated my gluten incident frequency while allowing me a series of small “victories” as I learned new things that I could enjoy. It’s all a matter of positive versus a negative perspective. After much deliberation, I have concluded that a positive perspective is, like, way better. Or as my kids would say, the positive outlook is totally beast.

Basic building blocks of an inclusive diet:

Fresh meats, poultry, and seafood. Fresh is the key word here. spamNot can fresh, but raw fresh. Consider anything pre-packaged in plastic or that contains an ingredient list as suspect. This includes deli meats until you verify them.  Beware of anything that could be pre-marinated or pre-seasoned. Beware of anything frozen as well. Don’t eat Spam. Mainly because it’s just, well, Spam.

Rice. It’s a good thing that I love rice, because I eat a ton of it. And I am talking clear plastic bag, cooked at home rice – not the San Francisco stuff that comes in boxes! No trolleys for you! Depending on your current condition, you may or may not be able to put some real butter on it. Whatever your feelings about Fabio,

Fabio I can't believe its not butter

Fabio the Butter Man

stay away from fake butter junk that comes in tubs. If you can’t do dairy yet, try a little pure olive oil with some Kosher salt – it’s not too bad of a substitute. For breakfast, I make home made rice cereal, which is basically regular white rice, butter, and pure maple syrup or pure brown sugar. This allows me to put a lot little extra brown sugar on there to compensate for my LOSS OF BROWN SUGAR AND CINNAMON POP-TARTS! Check the labels on the maple syrup and brown sugar to make sure there are no other ingredients!

Fresh fruits and veggies. Again, stay away from anything processed. Get the stuff you have to put in your own plastic bag in the produce section!egg

Eggs. Fresh eggs are a staple for me.  There are lot’s of ways to prepare them and a little fresh butter or olive oil for cooking is just peachy. Making large batches of hard boiled eggs is a particularly convenient way to deal with snacks, lunches at work, etc.

The suggestions above assume that you personally pulled these things off the store shelves and prepared them. If you eat the same things from a restaurant, you have lost the certainty that the ingredients are pure and absolutely gluten free. You have also opened a big door number three with cross contamination behind it.

As you start to heal, you’ll be able to add other safe items to your list such as cheeses, dairy, some sweets, and more. I will comment on that more in later posts.

So you are off to a rock ‘n roll gluten free diet, but you’re not quite out of the woods yet. Join us next time when we talk about Eating lipstick and other fun ways to poison yourself!

au⋅to⋅im⋅mune [aw-toh-i-myoon]

Dictionary.com definition

adjective Immunology.
Of or pertaining to the immune response of an organism against any of its own tissues, cells, or cell components.

Celiac Bites Translation:

word that my doctors say a lot. Being sick as all get out.
Your own self gets a hankerin’ to beat the crap out of its own dang self when you eat Pop-Tarts.

Gilligans Island cast

Gilligans Island cast

Last week I posted a deeply scientific essay on the fact that Celiac Disease is not an allergy.  This week, let’s take a closer look at what Celiac Disease really is – an autoimmune condition.

The concept of “autoimmune” is pretty simple. Basically, your auto-antibodies have a terminal crack habit. Either that, or they have spent too many days watching re-runs of Gilligans Island and have lost all short term memory as a result.

There’s really no other logical explanation. You see, unless you are a committed masochist, your own antibodies would have no real reason to attack their own home and the villi that live there in peace and harmony. So the only other explanation is that they don’t recognize their own kin, your villi. And there we are, right back to the crack habit or Gilligan’s Island theory.

Auto-antibody: “Have we met?”

Villi: “Yes, we’re related remember? We grew up together in Jersey City.”

Auto-antibody: “You’re full of it. I’m going to kick your @%#!”

There you have it. The Celiac autoimmune response happens simply as a result of your auto-antibodies failing to recognize their own relatives. So, being cantankerous fight club types, they commence beating the tar out of their own kin.

Any questions?

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