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Are YOU lying to ME?

January 24, 2010 by 7 Comments

I only wish I was smart enough to have used this dying, I mean dining out technique before. But I’m not. I stumbled onto it purely by accident with the help of one very skeptical Dairy Queen employee.

Dairy Queen

Dairy Queen

My family and I were driving home from one of Tennessee’s largest cities – The Gaylord Opryland Hotel. In case you haven’t been, it’s big. Like Texas big, only its not in Texas. Unfortunately I was not able to catch a performance by the Binkley Brothers’ Dixie Clodhoppers or the Gully Jumpers.

We were there for a big-time Oireachtas. An Oireachtas is an event where thousands of screaming and stomping Irish Dance competitors, and their moderately intoxicated parents, gather to compete, yell, scream, and squeal. But mostly it’s screaming and squealing.

Anyway, about half-way home, we got a hankerin’ (that’s southern speak for finding something intensely desirable) for a Dairy Queen stop. One of the great things about life as a Celiac is that Dairy Queen ice cream is gluten free. And healthy. OK, maybe just gluten free.

I decided to get  a Blizzard with vanilla ice cream and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Mmm. Those of you who have read Celiac Bites before know how skeptical I am about eating in restaurants – not that one would normally refer to Dairy Queen as a restaurant. So you won’t really be surprised by my next request of the Dairy Queen dude. I asked him (very politely) if he would mind cleaning the Blizzard machine before making mine as I have a food allergy. Yeah, I know, celiac isn’t an allergy, but it’s much easier to explain that way. He said sure, no problem, and went about his Blizzard making business.

About half way through the process, the Dairy Queen dude got a puzzled look on his face and loped back up to the counter to ask me a question.

“Are you lying to me about the allergy thing just to get me to clean the machine?”

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Truth or Consequences: Bottle Caps Candy

January 22, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Willy Wonka Bottle Caps Candy

Willy Wonka Bottle Caps Candy

Wonka Bottle Caps

Are They Gluten Free?

___  Yes!
___   No!
___  I’m afraid to find out!

Hmmm. Tricky one…. Candy’s that are based on some mysterious powdery substance. They’re good, therefore you probably can’t eat them if you have celiac.
Post your answer and insights in the comments below!
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Man vs. Celiac: PizzAlley’s

December 30, 2009 by 3 Comments

Sir Edmund Hillary

Sir Edmund Hillary

These are the voyages of the Celiac Tom, continuing my mission to explore strange new restaurants and other eateries, to boldly go where no Celiac has gone before.

I found myself in St. Augustine, Florida over the holidays, wandering aimlessly in search of a restaurant for dinner along with 9 other family members. It was about 8pm – not an ideal time to start the hunt for food in a heavily trafficked tourist town. The early crowd from the Ripley’s Believe It Or Not museum was out and ravenous from their viewing of Martha Stewart’s Tiny Egg, and Ponce de Leon’s Fountain of Youth had just closed, so seats at tables were at a premium.

Trying to get 9 people to agree on anything, especially a restaurant choice is about as easy as nailing Welch’s Squeezable Grape Jelly to a wall. So in the interest of eating before the 2010 holiday season, I elected to abstain from voting on restaurant selection. After all, this is Man vs. Celiac, so I saw an opportunity for a new and unforeseen challenge, and put myself at the mercy of group think. Family group think.

Bad idea.

Captain Morgans Rum at PizzAlley St. Augustine

Got a little Captain in ya?

We ended up at a pizza and Italian place called PizzAlley‘s. That’s what I get for ducking out of the group decision making process. Like crime, indifference doesn’t pay. Trying to find a gluten free meal at a place that orders flour by the metric ton is kind of like playing russian roulette with all 6 cylinders loaded. Sometimes you just have to admit defeat.

So I settled on one of the few safe bets in my repertoire. Times 3. It’s OK, Aunt Rissy drove home.

Got a little Captain in ya?

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Great new Celiac Video on CeliacChicks.com

November 19, 2009 by Leave a Comment

Just ran across this new video posted by CeliacChicks.com. I always love to see a new way to help people understand what Celiac is all about!

Filed Under: Life With Celiac Tagged With: , , , , ,

Why Pop Tarts are better than Zithromax

November 17, 2009 by 10 Comments

Why do I have to worry about medications killing me?

Call me crazy, but nowadays simple things like, oh say Brown Sugar and Cinnamon Pop Tarts have strict ingredient labeling guidelines. Brown Sugar and Cinnamon Pop-Tarts Before you make a major life decision like eating a Brown Sugar and Cinnamon Pop Tart, you can simply read the box and see the following information:

Ingredients
ENRICHED FLOUR (WHEAT FLOUR, NIACIN, REDUCED IRON, THIAMIN MONONITRATE [VITAMIN B1], RIBOFLAVIN [VITAMIN B2], FOLIC ACID), BROWN SUGAR, SOYBEAN AND PALM OIL (WITH TBHQ FOR FRESHNESS), CORN SYRUP, DEXTROSE, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, CRACKER MEAL, CONTAINS TWO PERCENT OR LESS OF SALT, CORNSTARCH, LEAVENING (BAKING SODA, SODIUM ACID PYROPHOSPHATE, MONOCALCIUM PHOSPHATE), CINNAMON, WHEAT STARCH, GELATIN, CARAMEL COLOR, SOY LECITHIN, VITAMIN A PALMITATE, NIACINAMIDE, REDUCED IRON, PYRIDOXINE HYDROCHLORIDE (VITAMIN B6), RIBOFLAVIN (VITAMIN B2), THIAMIN HYDROCHLORIDE (VITAMIN B1), FOLIC ACID.

Allergen Information

CONTAINS WHEAT AND SOY INGREDIENTS.

However, prescription medications, which are apparently far less important to health and well being than Brown Sugar and Cinnamon Pop Tarts, have few if any ingredient labeling requirements.

I’ve been recovering from a bout with the flu and ended up with a parting gift of bronchitis or some such thing. Having survived the flu without doing the doctors office routine I was finally forced to go visit the re-contamination ward (otherwise known as my primary care physician’s waiting room) and dutifully sit and read old copies of Redbook, Highlights, and  ‘Aging Golfer’ magazines while I waited for an hour and a half.

After serving my time in purgatory, I had my 7 minute visit with the doc. And was prescribed the standard Z-Pack. Problem solved. Target Pharmacy filled my prescription with the generic version, Azithromycin, manufactured by Teva Pharmaceuticals. Being the responsible celiac, I promptly visited the Teva USA website to figure out what ingredients are in these little red pills. Anyway, unless my fever and general wooziness prevented me from finding basic ingredient and allergen information, there was no readily apparent useful information to be found. For all I know, those little red pills could be manufactured with 100% pure gluten concentrate and topped with yeast roll shavings.

Next step. I checked the patient information sheet included with the medication. For those of you not familiar, a patient information sheet is the eighth wonder of the modern world. This is where, through advanced nuclear fusion technology, 16,837 words are digitally encrypted with an ancient latin language derivative and micro-printed on a piece of rice paper. Unfolded, this paper covers 1/3 of a standard size football field, but through a steam-powered compression process, it’s folded 412 times so it can fit into a standard sized medication box. It’s truly a miracle of modern medical science that makes me proud to live in this country.

Buried in the middle of this mess, I found a listing of inactive ingredients in my Azithromycin tablets. Of particular interest to me was this one: Pregelatinized Starch.

In terms of useful information, that is something akin to saying that Brown Sugar and Cinnamon Pop Tarts include carbohydrates. Gee, thanks for that insight.

Now mind you, all of this happened at about 9pm at night, so calling Teva was not an option until the following morning. So, at risk of adding a glutening attack to my already high misery index, I went ahead and took the red pills.

I lucked out. First thing the following morning, I called Teva and quickly got the information I needed. The pregelatiized starch is corn based and to the ‘best of their knowledge‘ (lawyer speak) their Azithromycin is in fact gluten free.

Is it really too much to ask drug manufacturers to list the ingredients that sick people are ingesting? After all, Pop Tarts manages to do it. Companies who can repeatedly perform the miracle of creating patient information sheets and stuffing them into those itty-bitty boxes should certainly be able to write down the stuff they throw in that steaming cauldron of medicinal goodness. Am I crazy?

Filed Under: Tips & Advice Tagged With: , , , , ,

I’m the world’s worst celiac patient

August 16, 2009 by 5 Comments

Doctor HouseQuick! Has anyone seen House???

I like to think I have gotten pretty good at avoiding accidental glutenings, and even better at identifying the source. Practice makes perfect you know. Shoot, by now I should be considered an expert celiac patient. If there was an Olympic biathlon event for avoiding gluten while cross country skiing, I would be a shoe-in for the gold medal.

So last week I managed to subdue a glutening of epic proportions after a long and protracted battle. And this after I ate all week long with extreme caution.

    • No restaurants.
    • No new foods.
    • Always fanatically careful about cross contamination. I could give Monk a run for his money in that department.
    • I definitely did not scarf down any Brown Sugar and Cinnamon Pop-Tarts, as much as I wanted to.
    • Same toothpaste.
    • Haven’t taken a shower in months. Ok just kidding on that one, but I did not use any new shampoo or soap.
    • Same dental floss.
    • No new morning food or drink routine.
    • I didn’t load 50 pound sacks of flour as a part time side job.
    • No wheat farming or anything (that I can remember.)
    • No pizza parties.

I’m stumped. Any ideas?

I’d love to hear about the most perplexing gluten mysteries you have solved. One of my most interesting ones to date has been the Senseo coffee pod adventure. What’s yours?

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My gluten detection superpower

July 25, 2009 by 17 Comments

I have a gift.

Celiac Man Superhero

Celiac Man (Me)

I’ve been blessed with the supernatural ability to detect the quality and consistency of “thorough cleaning and sanitation processes.” Food manufacturers rely on these procedures to produce both standard and gluten free foods in the same facility. You might think that my powers would prompt generalized hero worship and mayors giving me keys to cities and such. In reality, my unique ability is more like a burden. I now completely empathize with Spiderman, and we attend the same self-help group on Tuesday evenings.

By the way, do you like how my superhero carries a grocery bag? That makes my enemies tremble with fear for sure.

Still, burden or not, I figure I still ought to use my talent for the greater good, so I continue to run right into blazing fires by testing new products that claim to be gluten free.

Take Chex cereal for example. There has been a lot of hype on the celiac bulletin boards and Twitter recently about various Chex cereals now being gluten free. General Mills also makes a big deal about it, listing “GLUTEN FREE” in large letters on the box front and four separate times on the back of the box. Either they are really concerned about my health, or they want to make a lot of money from the celiac community. I’m not sure which, but I would bet on the “want to make a lot of money” option. Either way, this was awesome news! A “normal” product I can buy in any grocery store instead of relying on UPS to deliver my food!

Being a gifted superhero, I teleported to the nearest store and bought myself a large box of Rice Chex. I used to love those when I was a kid. The very next morning, I ate a bowl – and promptly became violently ill. Nice. I love marketing.

Wheat Chex Parachute Assault

Wheat Chex Parachute Assault

This is where the value of my superpower comes into play. Lying on my death bed after the gluten-free Chex ingestion, I had a vision. I saw a large room with lots of noisy machinery and Wheat Chex hovering around dropping little gluten packages with  parachutes into the nooks and crannies of all the Chex making machines. When I regained consciousness, I managed to scrawl an email to Chex Customer Service. I asked them whether gluten-free Chex are made in a dedicated facility or at least on dedicated equipment.

The response reminded me of why I love lawyers so much. Rather than simply answering my question, they gave me a 290 word statement that basically told me to check the label. To top that off, the response ended with the following:

“If there are no gluten-containing ingredients listed in the product ingredient label, we still cannot assure that this product is gluten free. While we have not added gluten-containing ingredients, factors such as sourcing, conditions of manufacture, etc. do not allow us to provide the full level of assurance that a gluten free claim requires.”

Unfortunately for me, I was only gifted with cross contamination detection superpowers and not a razor sharp intellect. You see, in my simple view of the situation, I was pretty certain that General Mills had made gluten free claims, maybe by writing GLUTEN FREE all over the box. This legal stuff is pretty complex though, maybe I should probably stay out of it and just stick to watching Boston Legal.

But, as I have said in previous posts, I am a giver. SO I persisted in getting my question answered so I could share it with you, the Celiac Bites reader. On my second attempt, I got the following response:

“Our Gluten Free Chex cereals are not produced in a gluten free facility.  We do, however, ensure against cross-contamination with gluten-containing ingredients and products through thorough cleaning and sanitation processes, including testing between gluten and gluten free product runs based on FDA proposed regulations.”

There you go. Cleaning and sanitation processes. As I wrote about in a previous post about dedicated fryers in restaurants, you have to believe in a lot of perfection before you trust your physical well being to “procedures.”

Justice League of America

Justice League of America

The moral of the story is that food manufacturers like to make money. And eating gluten free is becoming a trendy thing. So being savvy marketers, they are going to take every opportunity to sell more of their stuff by making it stand out from the competition. If a few celiac patients get killed in the process, well, that’s just the cost of doing business.

So be careful out there. Don’t blindly trust the marketing claims. Remember that there are a lot of great businesses that pride themselves on making real gluten free food – in gluten free facilities. Check The Gluten Free Mall for lot’s of those products. In fairness to General Mills, they claim to make the new Betty Crocker gluten free baking mixes in a gluten free facility. Hat’s off to them for that – and a big BOO for the scam on Chex cereal.

I’d love to here about any other cross contamination detecting superheroes out there. Let me know – maybe we can form a Cleaning and Sanitation Procedures Justice League!

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Gluten free dining: How to interrogate your server

July 16, 2009 by 2 Comments

Disclaimer: The writers of Celiac Bites assume no liability for any consequences related to the use of enhanced server interrogation techniques outlined below.

Recently I wrote about Dying, I mean, Dining Out and the challenges of eating in restaurants safely. That got me thinking about the “usual” questions that I ask servers when I recklessly endanger my life eat out at restaurants. Here are a few ideas to get you started:image

  1. Do you have any reason to want to harm me? Did I pick on you or any of your friends when I was in kindergarten or grade school? I did not break your Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Robots game in 2nd grade.
  2. Does your meat/chicken/fish arrive pre-packaged or is it fresh?
  3. Did any of your chefs ever study under Dr. Kevorkian?
  4. Is there ANY type of marinade or seasoning that is added to your meat/chicken/seafood prior to cooking?
  5. What other items are cooked on the same grill or griddle? (If patty-melts are a house specialty, I would be pretty nervous about ordering a burger.)
  6. Are ANY seasonings besides 100% pure salt and pepper added during preparation?
  7. Have you ever worked for Senseo’s Consumer Hotline?
  8. Does your hamburger meat have any ingredients other than 100% pure meat? (Some have fillers!)
  9. Have you ever been convicted of manslaughter, second, or even first degree murder? Should you have been at any previous time in your life?
  10. What garnishes come on the plate?
  11. Are your salads prepared to order or made at the beginning of each shift? (To be sure croutons are not simply “picked off” a pre-made salad)
  12. Are we going to spend 10 or 20 minutes planning a perfect gluten free option for me only to have it delivered to the table with some random gluten-infested garnish on top like toastlets, fried onion crisps, or croutons? Because if that’s how you roll, I would like to know now rather than later.
  13. Are your vegetables cooked in any sort of broth or are there any seasonings other than salt or pepper added?
  14. Do you use real butter or a butter substitute?
  15. Do you chefs use spray pan coating on the grill, griddle, or pans? If so, does it contain flour or is it 100% oil based?
  16. Do you have any anger management issues that I should know about?

I would love to hear what y’all check for when dining out so please let me know!

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Truth or Consequences: Crest Glide Dental Floss

June 23, 2009 by 6 Comments

crest-glide-floss-regular-50m Glide Dental Floss

Is it Gluten Free?

___  Yes!
___   No!
___  I’m afraid to find out!

Hmmm. Tricky one….
Post your answer and insights in the comments below!
Filed Under: Is It Gluten Free? Tagged With: , , , ,

Man vs. Celiac: Atlanta Hartsfield Airport, Concourse C

June 17, 2009 by 10 Comments
Sir Edmund Hillary

Sir Edmund Hillary

These are the voyages of the Celiac Tom, continuing my mission to explore strange new restaurants and other eateries, to boldly go where no Celiac has gone before.

I like to think of myself as a really resourceful guy – able to maneuver may way around nearly any obstacle.

Since I just saw the new Star Trek movie, I might even confess to idolizing Captain Kirk’s solution to the Kobayashi Maru test. As I have learned from real trekkies, the Kobayashi Maru is a hellish simulation test for Starship Captain candidates that has no winnable outcome. Apparently the sadists at the Starship Federation just want to see how their Flash Gordon wannabees face certain death and the ultimate fear. By the way, Kirk reprogrammed the simulator in order to beat it as he refused to “recognize a no-win scenario.” That’s kind of like me on a Man vs. Celiac adventure. In my dreams. Did I go off on another tangent? Imagine that…

atlanta_hartsfield_concourse

Atlanta Hartsfield Airport

Resourcefulness is not a guaranteed solution though. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, life just throws you for a loop and the Klingons do in fact kick your fanny up and down the galaxy.

In this episode of Man vs. Celiac, I found myself running the 1,200 yard dash through Concourse C with 18 minutes between flights. I figured that left me a “find, choose, buy, and eat” time window of about 73 seconds.

However, as you may have picked up from my previous posts, I am a giver. So I accepted the challenge of finding a gluten free dinner, in the suckiest of Hartsfield concourses, in 73 seconds or less. All so I could pass on the hard earned knowledge to you. Like I said, I am such a giver. By the way, Concourse A is the best for gluten free dining – in my humble opinion. I will have to compare notes with GF Road Warrior on that topic. Maybe I will look him or her up and we can debate it online.

Anyway, back to the challenge. I am so easily distracted. Running down the concourse, dodging those electric trucks with insanely loud horns – frequent travelers you know what I am talking about – I caught a few glimpses of looming failure in my peripheral vision. Popeye’s Fried Chicken. Atlanta Bread Company. Gluten ‘R Us. Okay, I made up that last one, but it’s pretty representative of the slim pickin’s in Concourse C. In case you’re new to the whole celiac thing, those are some pretty onerous choices. You could die in Concourse C.

hershey_bars

Dinner of Champions

I did pass a couple of quick service stands on the way – all well stocked with… sandwiches. Great, I think I would have preferred to tackle the Kobayashi Maru challenge on this one.

Refusing to admit defeat, I found an option.

No, I’m not copping out and cheating. Hershey bars have all the basic food groups. Sugar, chocolate, and sugar.

Chalk up another successful mission and documented episode of Man vs. Celiac. So next time you’re dashing through Concourse C, look for some Klingons to arm wrestle – your odds are better.

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